Some thoughts which just occurred to me sitting here after smoking some hash oil, interacting with my housemate, and resisting wasting time on a computer game. At the same time reflecting on my career plans and my conversation with my father this evening.
It's a path, and the method is one step after another. Forward, not backwards, if you want to get there quicker.
I've just realized that one of the defining moments of my life was when I was 17, and my dad busted me for having stolen stuff in the garage, froma B&E some friends and I had done, looking for some easy cash. I've long remembered the impact of that moment, for having lost his trust. But just now I reflected, did I not also lose my trust in myself? My trust that I was acting in my own best interest, that I could trust myself to make the right decisions.
This time-wasting thing, these devilish habits of mine, they're not necessarily bad in and of themselves. It's the compulsion I feel with them, it's making the choice to do these in favor of other, more productive and fulfilling pursuits. It's when they impact the balance of my life negatively.
I wonder how much I've bught into a disempowering story, the story of the "hard livin' man". What if life were just easy – I mean, short of having my face ground into the dirt or my loved ones violated – life is easy.
